Too Much Good Stuff

These muffins right here, what do you suppose they're made of? Flour, butter, sugar, maybe? With a few poppyseeds mixed in?

Nnnope!

Spoiler alert: recipe

If you want the story to unravel before your eyes, read on.

So once upon a time, there was a girl. She used to eat lots of poppyseed cakes as a child, because her daddy bought them at the Stolichnaya on Fairfax and Santa Monica. So she went to Berkeley Bowl and saw heaps of her favorite little seed, scooped them up into a hefty plastic bag, and tucked them away into her shopping cart. They sat in her cabinet, nestled between a bag of walnut pieces her grandma sent her, and a half-eaten emergency bag of chocolate chips.

Then one day everything changed. She came home after a month away (at her real home) and this bag of poppyseed went squish squish when she went digging through her cabinets. MUFFINSSSS.

Actually that was a lie. This girl just wanted lemon bars. But she ran out of powdered sugar. Fortunately, she later realized that she could make powdered sugar with her new mortar and pestle when (not really) making lemon glaze.

The poppyseed lemon muffins were a suggested link on the website with the lemon bar recipe. But it was not a satisfying recipe, so the girl scoured the web for something butterfree (shoutout to pokemon. not really. shoutout to buttersafe.com. so much funny!). THEN SHE FOUND a recipe. That she could use.

This story has lots of wholes in it and is not very professional.

Same with these muffins:

I used somewhere between 3/4c and 1c honey, 1/3c olive oil, 1-1/4c nonfat milk, 3 eggs, 2-1/4c whole wheat flour, 3-1/2 tsp baking powder, a tsp of sea salt, zest from one lemon, and a heaping 1/4c of poppy seeds.

I mixed the flour, baking powder, and salt, and then poured in a whisked mixture of honey, olive oil, milk, zest, and egg. It took a while to integrate the honey well, but it was worth it. It's all just preparation for the day you'll need to whip cream by hand.

I then mixed in poppy seeds, and poured the batter into (lined) cupcake and muffin tins. I baked at a preheated 400F oven, for approximately 20 minutes. Probably a little less. Toothpicks come out clean, it's nice. Voila

(see I know French too)

The most important point here is that poppy seeds are a Miracle! No they are not from papaver somniferum, which oozes when you slit it during growth, and morphines your soul. But Morpheus didn't forget about us normal-poppy eaters. He made sure that if you combine honey and poppy seed, you grow strong and mentally sound. If you're sleepy, you just eat some ground up poppy seed and away you go. Honestly, any problems you have, poppy seeds will fix them.

-Anna

Date Day

Dates used to scare me. In second grade, my primary relationship was them was the fact that you could say the sentence, "On that date I ate a date while I was on a date," and feel really cool. Now they're just delicious. Sometimes they're desecrated though when they're a date nut bread and the nut in question is pecan or walnut. Sometimes you're lucky though, and that nut is almond, or in this case, pistachio. I found this recipe, for scones, which I always thought were so refined. And these are supposed to be healthier scones (though next time I would add a tad more sugar and definitely the orange zest which I skipped out on in this batch). I kept the basic structure of this, but played around with a few things like poppy over fennel seeds, almond extract over vanilla, and clabbering the milk over ready-buttermilk. This would also be wonderful with fig instead of dates, and almonds instead of pistachios, and maybe with ginger or cardamom...so many possibilities.



Date, Pistachio, Poppy Scones
1 3/4 c.flour (I'd say a tad less next time)
2 TBS sugar (increase this, maybe 1/4 c.)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
6 TBS butter, chilled (I used that vegan stuff Earth something, I forget.)
1/4 c. non-fat cottage cheese
1/4 c. low-fat milk plus a teaspoon of lemon juice to clabber it, takes 5 minutes (I needed to add more milk as I made the batter, so I'd increase this to 1/3 c. or maybe even 1/2 c.)
1 tsp orange zest (I didn't use this, but I would highly recommend, or lemon juice would be fine too, or blood orange, mmm)
1/2 tsp almond extract
1 c. chopped dates
1/4 c. chopped pistachios
1 TBS poppy seeds

1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit.
2. In a small bowl, clabber the milk with the lemon juice, then add the cottage cheese, and almond extract and whisk.
3. In another bowl mix the flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Then cut the butter into small pieces and mix it in to the dry ingredients by rubbing it all together with your fingers (because a) I don't have a food processor and b) pastry cutters are useless).
4)Mix in the zest, dates, pistachios, and poppy seeds with the dry ingredients. Combine the dry ingredients and the wet ingredients but don't overmix! No one loves tough scones.
5)Throw out some flour on a cutting board or any surface really and take handfuls of the dough and shape into biscuit shapes, turnover shapes, whatever suits you really. I made mine about 1/2 inch thick and biscuit looking.
6) You can put an egg-wash on at this point, which in retrospect would have looked pretty, but I was too lazy. Just crack open an egg, beat it a bit, and spread it over the top of the scones with a pastry brush or your fingers.
7). Spray a baking sheet and put scones out. (I got about 11 out of this.)
8) Bake for about 15 minutes, more or less.

-Amanda